The Intruder

Anyone who knows me knows… I hate bugs.  Spiders top the list, but I have an irrational fear of just about all bugs.  This extends to the point that I have some very… *creative* methods of bug extermination.  I can’t just squish bugs — oh Lord no, what if they jumped on me?  Ants and mosquitoes are about the only bugs I’ll squish without thinking twice.

A favorite tactic of mine is the hairspray method.  Moth flying around my bathroom?  Spider crawling around?  Hairspray that sucker until it can’t move.  What happens after that depends on what I have on hand.  One moth found itself at the receiving end of Josh’s Army boot — thrown from a safe distance, as it was still fluttering around on the ground.  I have also been known to cover the incapacitated bug in mousse, soap, conditioner… anything gooey enough to trap and/or “drown” it.  From this stage I generally feel safe enough to use a HUGE wad of toilet paper to scoop up the offender and flush it away.

I’ve heard of other people hair-spraying their bugs to death, but I think my other commonly employed device is a pretty unique one.

Behold:

The Cup.

Usually I only employ the cup with bugs I’m fairly certain aren’t able to jump.  However, desperate times call for desperate measures.  I’d come home one night to find this little guy on my counter.  As I don’t generally keep hairspray in my kitchen, I had to carefully (but quickly, lest he escape!) capture him under the cup.  Standard protocol is then to wait for Josh to come home and deal with the bug.  Occasionally I just wait for the captive to die, and then dispose of the corpse.  This guy was resilient — Josh didn’t get to him for at least a day, but I’m told he was released into the wild (our backyard) to go about his life.  Maybe he’ll think twice before trying to chill in my kitchen again.

Other (more deserving) cup captives have included wasps (1 a.m. in my aunt’s house… really, what else could I have done?) and the infamous “clear and orange bug” — which really deserves its own post, but as all photographic evidence has been lost, let’s just say a camel spider or 4 came home with Josh from his first tour in Iraq.  I discovered this in the middle of the night when I walked into my living room and flipped on the light to see a bug scurrying for the dark regions under the couch.

 

Not what you want to find in your living room in the middle of the night.

Bugs be warned — stay out of my house or I will CUT YOU (a la “Bon Qui Qui“) — or at the very least catch you under a cup until my big, brave hubby can rescue me.

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2 thoughts on “The Intruder

    • Well yeah…. I’m generally of the opinion that the bees / stinging insects need to die. I’m not releasing them into the wild just so they can come back to bug me!

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